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It’s coming and I can’t put it off any more…

Saturday, May 28, 2011

As the school year begins to wind down, I find my mind having more available space to think about my family. It really amazes me, how much time and energy my job takes sometimes. I always thought that teaching would be the perfect job for a mother, but I don’t always feel that they are as compatible as I thought they would be. I am the kind of person who does things 100%. None of this half way stuff. So when I’m teaching… I’m 100%. When I’m taking pictures, I’m 100%. When I’m home I try to be wife and mom 100%. The problem occurs when the lines aren’t able to be quite so rigid. Sometimes, mom gets pulled on while I’m wearing the teacher hat, and quite often the teacher hat needs to be worn during mom time! I think I’ve done a pretty good job balancing this year, but it certainly hasn’t been easy.

With only 3 weeks left of this school year, I am beginning to think about the summer for Team V. Normally this is an exciting process, but not so much this year!

Unfortunately, I’m having trouble seeing past the month of June. I’m really trying hard to take it all in stride, but sometimes my mind isn’t quite as capable of conquering my heart!! (darn it!)

Rylie’s surgery is scheduled for June 30th, and I have to admit, I’m really scared!

We were supposed to meet with her cardiac surgeon, on 5/26, to go over everything for her surgery. But our meeting had to be rescheduled. We are waiting to hear back from the surgeon about another time that will work for him. I feel like I need to be walked through everything and really prepared. Although, I do know from experience, that nothing can prepare me for turning over my child to have heart surgery. I usually feel like I’m doing a pretty good job of handling it, of praying through it, and then the day of the surgery comes, and they take her away… and I fall to pieces!!! I can’t even begin to explain the heart wrenching fear that overcomes me in those following hours! I’m even beginning to tear up now, just thinking about it!

So I try to stay busy, and push away the fear. There is so much to do, there is soooooo much to do. Focus on the school year, focus on the fun, focus on family!! But I am slowly running out of time to be in denial, and I need to start preparing myself and my family. There are a few things that I really can’t put off any longer.

1. find people for direct blood donation. Rylie may be put on bi-pass for this next surgery. She is in need of blood. I will be donating, but we need more.

If you are a healthy friend of the family and are B+, than we would ask for you to consider donating blood for Rylie. We have orders at the blood bank for red blood cells, and platelets. Other compatible blood types for red blood are: B+, B-, O+, & O- and we will need a man to donate platelets (B+, B-, AB+, AB-), close to the surgery.

2. get family photos done. I need to get pictures of the entire family done. We do not have good pictures of all of us, since Griffyn was born! The frustration is that I can’t easily be behind the camera and in front of it, at the same time. Money is tight, so worst case, I’ll have to do photos on a remote… but this absolutely has to happen.

3. line up help getting my aunt from the airport to our house on the 29th, because she is coming into Orange County, and I will be in San Diego doing pre-op stuff with Rylie.

4. line up child care help for Campbelle, Griffyn and Wesley for the 29th, while I’m at the hospital with Rylie.

5. make a photo memory board for us to take to the hospital, and collect special things to have around Rylie while she is in the hospital.

6. prepare for the unknown???

We feel so blessed that my Aunt Rita will be coming out to help bridge the gap, while Rylie is at the hospital. Right now, the doctors are planning for only 5 days in the hospital, and I will be hoping for that outcome and no complications. My aunt is planning to be here for 10 days, so we should have coverage for the kids while Mike and I tag team back and forth to the hospital. I am so very torn, because having to leave Griffyn will be so hard, but I know that I will want to be with Rylie. I will definitely need to pace myself. Just knowing that my aunt will be here, takes such a HUGE weight off of my shoulders.

At this point, Rylie’s recovery is unknown. I have no way to prepare for what things will be like once we get her home, but I will certainly be looking forward to that. We are trying to begin talking to Rylie about the surgery. She is so very afraid of doctors, that it is difficult. But we are talking to her about trying to set up some new “princess” things in her room for her to return to!

I am assuming that the surgery will go as planned, without complications. Frankly, I can’t even allow myself to go to any other outcome.

Please pray for my family, if you think about it… the next 6 weeks are going to be difficult, and especially once school is out for summer.

I will try to blog about things as I know them, and keep people informed about her progress through the surgery and recovery. Thanks in advance for your support- friends!

For more information about Rylie’s heart defect and the course of surgery click here! She is scheduled for the “Fontan Completion” surgery next month.

Here is a drawing of her broken heart to explain.

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Posted in Rylie Hope UPDATE!, deep thoughts, family, life

Extraordinary…

Saturday, January 29, 2011

E-x-t-r-a-o-r-d-i-n-a-r-y!!! That is a huge word!! One that I feel inspired by, and even maybe a bit challenged by.
I’m not big on resolutions, but I do like to set goals. For 2011, I am setting a goal to do something extra- ordinary… something outside of ordinary… something that not everyone does.

I haven’t quite figured out exactly what that will be, but darn it, life is far too short to be ordinary all the time.
Something hit me a few weeks ago. Mike and I were trying to figure out how to get our kids to the snow. I really wanted to go to Big Bear, but we could not find reasonable accommodations, and it seemed like total stress to try to do a same day turn-a-round with 3 kids. Thankfully, we had an invitation to get away with some close friends, and while it wasn’t Big Bear (much less Mammoth or Tahoe) we escaped our ordinary for a little while, and it was nice.
On the drive back home, I soaked in the yummy dusk light as it reflected off of the farmland that we drove through on our way down the mountain.

I don’t know what exactly is causing this perfect triangle of thoughts to whirl continuously around in my brain… but I feel very unsettled! Yet my life is extremely stable and there are no major changes on the horizon. (maybe that’s what is a bit frightening about the whole thing)

I am on a search for EXTRAORDINARY!

Our neighbors, across the street are make a decision to be extraordinary!!! I totally admire them for jumping off of the rat wheel and doing something different. They are renting out their house, selling everything they own, and moving into an RV to tour the country for a year or more. Now I know what you’re thinking… but they have 2 kids! Not 4 like me, but still. They have 2 kids, and are going to be home-schooling them! That, my friends, is EXTRAORDINARY! And I can’t wait to hear about their adventures.

I want to do something… I just don’t know what it is yet. Being a wife, mother, daughter, teacher, photographer, friend etc…. is huge! But…. it’s not EXTRAORDINARY!

I’ll keep you posted, and when I come up with my idea… I’ll let you know.

Until then, I’ll leave you with a few pictures from that trip to the mountains that I spoke of at the beginning of the post!

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Posted in deep thoughts, family, life

Ideas…about photography

Monday, September 6, 2010

So, as some of you may know, I dabble in the world of photography. I even started a small business on the side… taking pictures!

I came into photography out of a desire to capture better images of my own family. I wanted to tell the story of our life… through pictures. It began quite simply really- with scrapbooking. But I quickly became frustrated with the quality of the pictures I was scrapping. Honestly, at first I just wanted to figure out how to take a sharp picture. One that didn’t have red-eye and wasn’t all blurry. So… I set out to learn. I love to learn! Eventually after receiving accolades from several people close to me… I began Katrinaelizabeth Photography.

I’m not sure how it is all supposed to work, but I’ve heard about some fantastic photographers out there, who just happen to be pretty accomplished. They began their business and it spread like wild fire. People were just drawn to their work, their creativity, their honesty! I wish I could say that it is all happening like that for me too, but that would be a lie. While my business has steadily grown each year, I feel far from accomplished. I have had limited time and energy to put into my small business over the past couple of years, and while I really enjoy taking pictures and feel like I have grown tremendously as a photographer… I am not extremely sought after. I wish I were. I wish I could run my photography business from home, and stay home! But that just doesn’t seem to be on the path for the immediate future.

I am always excited when a new client contacts me for photos, but I have noticed that the cold call contacts that I receive from Yahoo or Google searches, usually do not pan out. I offer pricing and dates of availability as requested, and then often do not hear from them again. My best clients have come through personal reference. If you are one of those people that has referred me… THANK YOU! I appreciate it.

Ahem… well enough with the bla, bla… on to my idea.

So I’m a teacher. No really… like I have a masters degree in education. I am a wife, mother etc… and I am a photographer! I’ve been thinking… what if there was a way to put all of these things that “I am” together. A way to smoosh all the parts of me into one single solitary… fulfilling personality?? I know about how to teach, I know about family and children, and I know about photography.

Teaching + family + kids + photography = teaching families how take photos!!

I’d love to teach moms and dads, just like me, how to take better pictures. How to use their fancy “pro-sumer” DSLR. The basics. Maybe… just maybe there are other people out there who wish they could take better pictures? Maybe they’d enjoy being able to benefit from my knowledge and not have to read a ton of books or take several years to get there? So there you have it. I’m thinking about offering a basic introduction to taking great pictures of your own family… seminar. I feel like it would be most appropriate to gear it toward moms? That just feels easier… but maybe there would be some dads out there too?

Anyway… I’ll keep thinking about it! Stay tuned for more information to come. Who knows, I may end up doing more than just thinking. This would be a great time for everyone to become empowered to take better photos. Christmas is just around the corner (scary ;o)

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Posted in Photography, deep thoughts, life

Carpe Diem!

Monday, August 30, 2010

Life, for me, often feels like a huge “have to”! I have so much freekin’ responsibility all the time, that I find myself forgetting to just let go… and enjoy my kids! Appreciate my husband, who I spend way too much time harping on! Stop and stare and marvel at the miracle and beauty of a sunset!

Last weekend we got away! The packing and unpacking is just a nightmare, but there were a few moments that I was able to simply ENJOY! Dinner at the Fisherman, in San Clemente… cramming my family of 6 into a 4 top corner table, to eat and watch the sunset, was amazing! We especially enjoyed how everyone clapped as the sun slipped below the horizon… like we were telling God- “good job”! We slept in foreign beds, ate at different restaurants, loaded surfboards and beach gear on top of a golf cart and drove a couple blocks to the beach. We watched some tv, ate junk food, and celebrated the life of my beautiful (now) 3 year old! With a simple birthday excursion that included Build A Bear and ice cream!

All and all… I found a moment or two to stop and smell the roses a bit! I have missed that point of view! I need to try to remember how it feels, and not be so afraid to slip on over to the slow lane more often. Before I know it, I won’t have young children anymore. I’ll be worrying about cell phones and curfews:-(

I must carpe diem! I will carpe diem! At least today!

Pictures to come soon.

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Posted in deep thoughts, family, life

About Me- Frustrated!

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

This blog has been a part of my life for several years now, and I have to admit, I’m wondering if I should be trying to maintain it. I believe that the purpose of a blog is to “dialog”… not just to “monolog”. I have put ideas and images out there for years, and I have only received a small few comments from anyone who might be reading out there. For the past few months I have really been wondering if anyone is even out there. Is anyone interested in what I’m posting? So out of pure curiosity, I decided to embed a hit counter into my blog. Over the past week, I have received thousands of hits. That means that there are people coming to see what I have posted. But still, very few comments.

So what do I do?

How do I make this blog more of a “dialog”? How do I get people to leave comments?

I will mull over those questions for a while, and see what I can come up with. If you are reading this, and you have an idea, I’d love to hear it. Leave me a comment!

In the meanwhile, I figured I’d put it all out there. If you are someone who knows me personally, than you may already know this, but if not, I’d like to let you all know a little bit more “About Me”!

I am a wife, mother, teacher, friend, Christian and often frustrated photographer. My husband and I live in San Diego, CA with our 3.5 children… the .5 is because we have joint custody of my 12 year old step-son, and he is only with us part time. So I suppose I should add “step-mom” to the above list too!

I have a couple of pieces of paper to prove that I went to college, one in Psychology and the other in Education. I guess that, and a couple bucks, can buy me a cup of coffee:-)

After college I worked in youth ministry with high school students for a couple years. Then I got ants in my pants and wanted to explore the world a bit… so of course I became a flight attendant for American Airlines. That adventure landed me in New York City for a little while. I even had a few ladies nights out at the “Windows to the World” bar at the top of the World Trade Center, prior to 911, and saw my fill of Broadway shows.

After flying around the country for few years, I decided that serving food and drinks to people and dealing with people’s drama, wasn’t what I wanted to do with this one life that I’ve been blessed with. So I went back to school to get my teaching credential and MA. I figured that impacting the life of a child for the good, was a great way to really make a difference. I also figured that the schedule would be great for the family life that I hoped to have some day.

A few short years later I got married and started a family. I continued to believe that positively influencing children’s lives is the most important thing… especially my own children. I was blessed to stay home through my second pregnancy and the first year of my middle daughter’s life, which proved to be very necessary… because she was born with a life threatening heart defect. During those years at home, nurturing my beautiful girls, I discovered the passion within my heart… to take pictures-to celebrate life, to capture the special and not so special moments. My passion started attracting attention and so I decided to start my own business. But photography didn’t pay the bills, so when our financial position changed, I had to go back to work outside the home. Thank God for those pieces of paper I mentioned earlier!

Nine months a year I am a full time elementary teacher and all year long, I am a frustrated photographer. Frustrated because I just can’t find enough time beyond my responsibilities to give to my passion.

I walk the tight rope, I balance all the responsibilities. Just like everyone else.

I love family!

I love looking at my own family in photographs, remembering… the good, especially when things feel all gloomy and crummy. Which admittedly, happens sometimes. I also love capturing the love and real life of other families so that they can look back and remember too!

Everyday, I try to look for the beauty, the thing I want to remember, the relationship, the look, the smile… that makes each day good. I believe that each and every day there is some beauty, some good, something to be remembered. Something REAL!

Something worth photographing. (although my own real life gets in the way and I don’t always find time to take those pictures)

My life, most recently, has become increasingly consumed with the precious new addition to our family. My 4th, and youngest, was born at the end of May. I spend long moments just staring at him, wondering what he is going to be like. I love being a mom, I love- the love that I feel! The deep down, rip my heart out, I don’t ever want anything bad to happen, I’d do anything for- kind of love that I feel as a mom.

Speaking of my littlest, I think I hear him stirring from his slumber. Gotta go! I’ll leave you with a few snapshots of him from the other day, (using a timer) because a post is not much fun without pictures.

Blessings,

Katrina